For Me, Or For Him?
These past fews days I've been musing on my own lacking. I am remembering those days gone by, where I as a Christian had chosen to live as how I felt best, rather than God's good will. Every time I go down that road, I have a gut-wrenching ache within me.
You see, I have never been "Miss Perfect." Oh sure, my little sister liked to get on my nerves by calling me such, ("Miss Goody-Two-Shoes," is actually the one I recall...Yes, sis, I remember!). Though for most of my life after being born again I sought to be a good Christian, it wasn't always that way.
When I decided it was better for me to acquaint myself with non-believers, to the extent that I was carousing with them and partaking in their unholy deeds, I was wrong. When I chose that how I felt about a matter weighed more than the established judgment of my Saviour, I was wrong. I learned the hard way that He was right (1 Corinthians 15:33).
Yet with all of that part of my history: the immorality, waywardness, etc., I am where I am today by God's good grace. He could have allowed me to endure much worse than I do today. Yet, He was merciful when I wouldn't have shown that much mercy, and has granted me grace where I would not have chosen to do the same (Hebrews 12:6, 7).
In spite of my failures, because I repented (due to His pricking of my spirit), He turned me around and gave me another chance. He worked on the heart of my husband, who in turn repented and was born again. He is working on our marriage, making it a godly institution rather than an ungodly one.
His impeccable grace and mercy is the reason I seek to live my life in such a manner (Romans 12:1). It is no small thing to be a Christian woman. Everyone has their eyes on you: God, Satan, the world, your spouse (or future spouse), your children (or future children), your friends, your family, your church, and yourself...To name a few. Every time you fail, they know it. Every time you succeed, most of them know it. Regardless of all eyes on you, it's wonderful to know that I'm living by the grace of God!
To be a keeper at home, no easy task. You willfully subject and submit yourself to a man. A spirit of joy and gratitude is essential. It doesn't always come easily, thanks to our flesh (Romans 7). There are many thankless days, and one must come to grips that you needn't always be thanked. There are many jobs that need done, or else the home will run haywire. Guess who usually is the one to do it?
Though the role of being a keeper at home is not for the faint of heart, it is one full of richness. You have the joy of knowing you're fulfilling the call of God in your life as a Christian woman. You know that everything you do to manage your home efficiently, effectively, and full of the love of Christ is never for naught--It all is in submission to God's will, and for His glory! It is an enabler of blessings: both to flow through you, and come to you (Titus 2:3-5).
Even though I was a rebellious daughter to my Heavenly Father, and hurt not only Him but others in my life (and possibly my testimony), He has graciously and mercifully allowed me the opportunity to indulge myself in the blessed role of daughter of God and wife to Dear. He has given me a beautiful marriage, a beautiful home, and simply a beautiful life. None of these things did I earn, nor could I ever (Ephesians 2:8, 9).
Since being graced with the opportunity of being a keeper at home for Dear, I do want to seek within all that God allows me to do so in such a way as to be a crown unto my husband (Proverbs 12:4). It thrills my heart to hear him genuinely praise me for my deeds. I know I need to do them regardless of praise--but, oh, the thrill in my heart! It is even a bigger joy to go to my Father in prayer, knowing I've obeyed Him out of a right heart, and in obedience; knowing that I didn't just have a heart for it, but I put feet to it as well.
The little things that may not seem much to others are such blessings to me. An inexpensive tablecloth, cheerfully placed upon the table, enlivening the room. Hand-me-down plants, that are by God's grace thriving (so far ;D), hand-me-down furniture and decor, and God's glorious creation at which to admire every day right through my window...Ahh, yes, blessings indeed.
I know that when my spirit is right, it makes the home. My walls aren't pristine, nor my carpets. We have a small home, but one full of things we use regularly and for which we are very thankful. We have tears here, scuffs there, faulty this over yonder...But, we have everything because we have Christ.
I do with what I have. I mend where I can, clean, organize, and seek to nurture and cultivate a home. It is no easy task. Yet, I am ever mindful of the grace whereby I have been gifted to fulfill such a blessed calling, and seek to do it 100%--for I do it for the One who saved me!
So, no longer should I muse on my failures of the past. I cannot change them. I've sought to make amends where they were needed, and must leave the rest in the Lord's care. I must move forward. I must appreciate what He's given me today, not bemoan of all the woes of yesteryear. I definitely should learn from them, but not live in them. I must live in today--not for me, but for Him.
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You see, I have never been "Miss Perfect." Oh sure, my little sister liked to get on my nerves by calling me such, ("Miss Goody-Two-Shoes," is actually the one I recall...Yes, sis, I remember!). Though for most of my life after being born again I sought to be a good Christian, it wasn't always that way.
When I decided it was better for me to acquaint myself with non-believers, to the extent that I was carousing with them and partaking in their unholy deeds, I was wrong. When I chose that how I felt about a matter weighed more than the established judgment of my Saviour, I was wrong. I learned the hard way that He was right (1 Corinthians 15:33).
Yet with all of that part of my history: the immorality, waywardness, etc., I am where I am today by God's good grace. He could have allowed me to endure much worse than I do today. Yet, He was merciful when I wouldn't have shown that much mercy, and has granted me grace where I would not have chosen to do the same (Hebrews 12:6, 7).
In spite of my failures, because I repented (due to His pricking of my spirit), He turned me around and gave me another chance. He worked on the heart of my husband, who in turn repented and was born again. He is working on our marriage, making it a godly institution rather than an ungodly one.
His impeccable grace and mercy is the reason I seek to live my life in such a manner (Romans 12:1). It is no small thing to be a Christian woman. Everyone has their eyes on you: God, Satan, the world, your spouse (or future spouse), your children (or future children), your friends, your family, your church, and yourself...To name a few. Every time you fail, they know it. Every time you succeed, most of them know it. Regardless of all eyes on you, it's wonderful to know that I'm living by the grace of God!
To be a keeper at home, no easy task. You willfully subject and submit yourself to a man. A spirit of joy and gratitude is essential. It doesn't always come easily, thanks to our flesh (Romans 7). There are many thankless days, and one must come to grips that you needn't always be thanked. There are many jobs that need done, or else the home will run haywire. Guess who usually is the one to do it?
Though the role of being a keeper at home is not for the faint of heart, it is one full of richness. You have the joy of knowing you're fulfilling the call of God in your life as a Christian woman. You know that everything you do to manage your home efficiently, effectively, and full of the love of Christ is never for naught--It all is in submission to God's will, and for His glory! It is an enabler of blessings: both to flow through you, and come to you (Titus 2:3-5).
Even though I was a rebellious daughter to my Heavenly Father, and hurt not only Him but others in my life (and possibly my testimony), He has graciously and mercifully allowed me the opportunity to indulge myself in the blessed role of daughter of God and wife to Dear. He has given me a beautiful marriage, a beautiful home, and simply a beautiful life. None of these things did I earn, nor could I ever (Ephesians 2:8, 9).
Since being graced with the opportunity of being a keeper at home for Dear, I do want to seek within all that God allows me to do so in such a way as to be a crown unto my husband (Proverbs 12:4). It thrills my heart to hear him genuinely praise me for my deeds. I know I need to do them regardless of praise--but, oh, the thrill in my heart! It is even a bigger joy to go to my Father in prayer, knowing I've obeyed Him out of a right heart, and in obedience; knowing that I didn't just have a heart for it, but I put feet to it as well.
The little things that may not seem much to others are such blessings to me. An inexpensive tablecloth, cheerfully placed upon the table, enlivening the room. Hand-me-down plants, that are by God's grace thriving (so far ;D), hand-me-down furniture and decor, and God's glorious creation at which to admire every day right through my window...Ahh, yes, blessings indeed.
I know that when my spirit is right, it makes the home. My walls aren't pristine, nor my carpets. We have a small home, but one full of things we use regularly and for which we are very thankful. We have tears here, scuffs there, faulty this over yonder...But, we have everything because we have Christ.
I do with what I have. I mend where I can, clean, organize, and seek to nurture and cultivate a home. It is no easy task. Yet, I am ever mindful of the grace whereby I have been gifted to fulfill such a blessed calling, and seek to do it 100%--for I do it for the One who saved me!
So, no longer should I muse on my failures of the past. I cannot change them. I've sought to make amends where they were needed, and must leave the rest in the Lord's care. I must move forward. I must appreciate what He's given me today, not bemoan of all the woes of yesteryear. I definitely should learn from them, but not live in them. I must live in today--not for me, but for Him.
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| copyright 2012 I Am The Clay |
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God is so good, is He not? I love how He takes our messed up lives and makes something out of them. Thank you for sharing your heart, Renee! :)
ReplyDeleteThis post rings true for all of us! Our pasts help to shape who we are now but they don't define us! Having walked a rough road before makes it all the sweeter to have found Christ now! Bless you, Renee!
ReplyDelete