Dear Chose Me
My friend (whom I'll call V) and I were discussing life insurance policies and our husbands on Sunday afternoon. No, we were not discussing how much we'd get if they died. We were not discussing their demise. We were simply talking...
We were discussing it due to the fact that we are keepers at home. If God ever so decided to bring our husbands Home prior to us, we were wanting to know our options. (The more I write this conversation out, the worse it sounds...) We started to see how truly dependent we are upon our husbands.
At one point I got choked up in the conversation. I started remembering how much my husband is my best friend. I find it extremely difficult to imagine a life wherein he does not exist. V felt the same about her husband.
Every now and then I do sit and try to imagine what I would do or be like if Dear passed away unexpectedly. I am not being morbid, only acknowledging that it could happen. Many people have approached me regarding the matter, especially since I am not working outside the home.
I do not wish to see us part, ever. I love Dear so much that at times my heart feels as though it literally aches when we're separated, for any reason. When I find myself thinking, or discussing, his possible passing, sadness overcomes me more than words could ever convey.
Dear is my all, outside of Christ. Christ is my ALL; Dear is my all. Just like Sarah called Abraham lord, Dear is my lord. Though I do not go around our home calling him such--in my heart, he is.
He is my best friend. He is my provider. He is my protector. He is my safe place to fall. He is my advocate. He is my counselor. He is my lover. He is all these things, and more.
I admire him so much. In spite of all his sin, he is so admirable in my eyes. He is funny, witty, charming...Oh, so much that makes my heart go "pitty-pat," and butterflies soar in my stomach. He is mine. (Reminds me of Song of Solomon!)
I do not put him on a pedestal. I realize I am to depend upon Christ. I know that my Heavenly Father is my PROVIDER, LORD, ADVOCATE, COUNSELOR, FRIEND, PROTECTOR, and MORE. However, God did tell husbands to love their wives as Christ did the church, and I am on the receiving end of a husband seeking to obey that command. (Ephesians 5)
So, from our conversation, I started observing how blessed I am to have a husband on whom to rely. I saw how blessed I am to have a husband who allows me to minister in so many wonderful ways, because he wants me to be a keeper at home. I saw how blessed I am to have a husband seeking to obey Scripture, thus helping me to obey Scripture toward him. Just as I am on the receiving end of Dear being like Christ, Dear is on the receiving end of me being like the Church. (Ephesians 5)
I know I am a competent woman. V and I discussed the thoughts that if our spouses passed on, that we would have to work if no one took care of us. We know we could get work, especially if we don't have a home business. We know, most of all, that God would take care of us and guide us through that type of situation. However, I know that despite my competency, I am most potent being in the role God has called me to be in, based on how He created me. He created me a woman, to be a help meet for my man.
The more and more I live my life, the more I feel as though Dear is more my help than I his. I feel as though the weights are imbalanced--that I got the better end of the deal than he. I feel as though he suffers more from my sins than I his. I get to enjoy such a blessed life in this beautiful role of help meet, keeper at home, lover, friend, playmate, etc. I am so glad Dear chose me.
We were discussing it due to the fact that we are keepers at home. If God ever so decided to bring our husbands Home prior to us, we were wanting to know our options. (The more I write this conversation out, the worse it sounds...) We started to see how truly dependent we are upon our husbands.
At one point I got choked up in the conversation. I started remembering how much my husband is my best friend. I find it extremely difficult to imagine a life wherein he does not exist. V felt the same about her husband.
Every now and then I do sit and try to imagine what I would do or be like if Dear passed away unexpectedly. I am not being morbid, only acknowledging that it could happen. Many people have approached me regarding the matter, especially since I am not working outside the home.
I do not wish to see us part, ever. I love Dear so much that at times my heart feels as though it literally aches when we're separated, for any reason. When I find myself thinking, or discussing, his possible passing, sadness overcomes me more than words could ever convey.
Dear is my all, outside of Christ. Christ is my ALL; Dear is my all. Just like Sarah called Abraham lord, Dear is my lord. Though I do not go around our home calling him such--in my heart, he is.
He is my best friend. He is my provider. He is my protector. He is my safe place to fall. He is my advocate. He is my counselor. He is my lover. He is all these things, and more.
I admire him so much. In spite of all his sin, he is so admirable in my eyes. He is funny, witty, charming...Oh, so much that makes my heart go "pitty-pat," and butterflies soar in my stomach. He is mine. (Reminds me of Song of Solomon!)
I do not put him on a pedestal. I realize I am to depend upon Christ. I know that my Heavenly Father is my PROVIDER, LORD, ADVOCATE, COUNSELOR, FRIEND, PROTECTOR, and MORE. However, God did tell husbands to love their wives as Christ did the church, and I am on the receiving end of a husband seeking to obey that command. (Ephesians 5)
So, from our conversation, I started observing how blessed I am to have a husband on whom to rely. I saw how blessed I am to have a husband who allows me to minister in so many wonderful ways, because he wants me to be a keeper at home. I saw how blessed I am to have a husband seeking to obey Scripture, thus helping me to obey Scripture toward him. Just as I am on the receiving end of Dear being like Christ, Dear is on the receiving end of me being like the Church. (Ephesians 5)
I know I am a competent woman. V and I discussed the thoughts that if our spouses passed on, that we would have to work if no one took care of us. We know we could get work, especially if we don't have a home business. We know, most of all, that God would take care of us and guide us through that type of situation. However, I know that despite my competency, I am most potent being in the role God has called me to be in, based on how He created me. He created me a woman, to be a help meet for my man.
The more and more I live my life, the more I feel as though Dear is more my help than I his. I feel as though the weights are imbalanced--that I got the better end of the deal than he. I feel as though he suffers more from my sins than I his. I get to enjoy such a blessed life in this beautiful role of help meet, keeper at home, lover, friend, playmate, etc. I am so glad Dear chose me.
You and your friend V are not the only ones who have had these feelings and thoughts, for I share them as well. In fact, it is something that I keep in the back of my mind. Not as a morbid thought, but as a reality check. I have to keep reminding myself that my husband IS a blessing, and that I should never take my calling as helpmeet/wife/keeper of the home for granted.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading this post. Is that a picture of you and your hubby at the end of this post? What a cute couple you both are. :)
Thank you for your comment! Yes, that pic is of us nearly 7.5 yrs. ago.
ReplyDeleteLove this Renee! And yes, I agree with Mara, you are not the only ones. After every child, I go through this feeling of "What if..." and wondering what I would do with myself if my husband were to pass before me, leaving me with our children to raise. And, like you, I realized how oh so blessed I am to have such a wonderful husband. My heart aches even now just thinking about it. You are not alone my dear friend! :) And! I love the picture of you two! So sweet! <3
ReplyDeleteThank you, Gail! I'm glad to know I'm not alone. Praise God that we needn't fear, only trust Him and thank Him! :)
ReplyDeleteRenee,
ReplyDeleteIt's so funny. I was doing some chores in the house yesterday and I just stopped and felt overwhelmingly thankful for my husband. I think about these things often and about my husband's passing and my dependency and sadness. It can keep your focus on cherishing each day.
So few women these days live like we do and even fewer it seems understand our choice. God will take care of us for sure and if we are both husbandless one day we can take care of each other.
Husbands are such a gift and I am so happy you wrote this post. It is so encouraging and humbling and I often feel the exact same...That I got the better end of the deal.
There are so many young women pining for a good husband and don't have one and many women who do ( not perfect) but a good husband and they take them for granted. Let us never!
I love my husband and God bless you for loving yours!!
PS I think you are a fantastic wife for sharing your thoughts!
Dear Kimberly,
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your kind words. I'm thankful to have been a blessing in sharing my "fearful" thoughts. I'm thankful God always turns my fear into thanksgiving for His providence in my life!
Thank you, too, for offering to care for me when I'm an aged woman. I'll do my best to care for you as I'm strolling around singing to myself in my head...And out loud. :)