Seeing My Covetous Heart

            Recently, the Lord showed me a sin in my heart.  This sin had quickly and quietly manifested itself into my life.  Unfortunately, it did not just effect me, but everyone (especially Dear) else in my life.

            The sin God revealed to me was:  discontentment.  I was no longer satisfied with what I had.  I had to have something else.  I saw houses I liked, and came home to tell Dear.  I saw jewelry I liked, I came home and told Dear.  I saw this, that, and another thing, all to come home and tell Dear.  Poor Dear.

            Whenever I would talk to folks, there would be dissatisfaction in my speech.  I always was looking for something better.  Never content.  Never thankful.

            I tricked myself into thinking I was thankful.  I always remembered how angry God became due to the murmuring of the nation of Israel.  I did not want to do that to Him, too.  So, every day I would thank Him for things in my life, so as to not upset Him.

            However, I was only fooling myself.  I was not whole-heartedly thankful.  He knew it, and would remind me of it.  Yet, I would ignore it rather than confess it and forsake it.

            Then I went with some friends to see a house for rent.  My friend was in the market to rent, and so when we entered this house we saw, I squealed in delight!  This house was so beautifully constructed.  It had everything:  granite kitchen island, walk-in pantry and master closet, tile countertops, Pergo flooring, four bedrooms, two and a half baths, and more.

            After coming home, I told…Dear.  He smiled at me.  Later, one of my friends talked to me about what God had done in her life to show to her how ungrateful, discontent, and covetous she had become in her life.  By the end of our conversation, I saw clearly the Lord’s speaking to me through His testimony in her life.  My heart was greatly saddened.

            Though saddened, I was also THANKFUL.  God gave me a gentle, if not pleasant, lesson to learn.  I was covetous, discontent, and unthankful.  That night my heart changed.

            The next day, I spoke with Dear.  I wanted to find out how my sin had affected him.  Sadly, it had greatly affected him.  He felt so obligated to meet my desires, so as to make me happy.  He was so burdened, that all he could think about was meeting those desires.

            I quickly sought his forgiveness.  How foolish was I!  One of the last people I ever wanted to hurt was him, and yet hurt him I had.  Not only had my sin affected him so, but it was encouraging him to sin in other ways.  Such a vicious cycle.

            Nowadays, God has changed my attitude and heart.  When I feel the pull of covetous, I lay it at my Master’s feet.  I seek Him to protect me, and put in me a right spirit.  Every time, He takes care of me so as not to sin against Him.

            I am better able to be a blessing to others now.  I can now be free to know that my home is enough, my car is enough, my things are enough.  I don’t have to try to keep up with America to be content.  I simply need to realize that I have all my needs met by my Saviour and God, and that He has gone well beyond giving me my needs.  Having that knowledge, and living in constant contentment because of it, changes my perspective.