Relinquishing Bitterness, Choosing Happiness

...Oh, what to write...what to write.  So much on my mind, and in my heart--where to even begin?..

     So much has been happening in my life, our lives, these days.  With everything that has been happening, I am asking many questions.  I am also in a constant state of searching my mind and heart.
     There is much that I am finding needs changed in me.  I know that through Christ, and in Him alone, I will find the ability to change.  I know that I will be a better daughter to God, by His grace.  I yearn for that blessing!
     For a while, I have been struggling with many ugly thoughts, all swirling about in my head.  They were instigated by many hurt, frustrated, angry, sad, despairing, lonely, abandoned feelings...To name a few.  Instead of consistently and constantly turning them over to the Lord's care, I decided to mull over them--too often.
     I know that it is good to go through the way God intends folks to grieve, whatever the circumstance:  death, abuses, abandonment, ended relationships, etc.  Yet, I know that I am to be applying Scripture appropriately; e.g., "Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you."--1 Peter 5:7.
     However, instead of regularly, faithfully, applying that verse alone, I consult with me, myself, and I.  I also consult with family and friends...Mostly seeking those of the faith.  I understand that I am to seek out a multitude of counselors, and share with my brethren (and we, as the family of God, are to be caring one for another):

Romans 12

"I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith. For as we have many members in one body, and all members have not the same office: So we, being many, are one body in Christ, and every one members one of another. Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, whether prophecy, let us prophesy according to the proportion of faith; Or ministry, let us wait on our ministering: or he that teacheth, on teaching; Or he that exhorteth, on exhortation: he that giveth, let him do it with simplicity; he that ruleth, with diligence; he that sheweth mercy, with cheerfulness. Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good. Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another; Not slothful in business; fervent in spirit; serving the Lord; Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer; Distributing to the necessity of saints; given to hospitality. Bless them which persecute you: bless, and curse not. Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep. Be of the same mind one toward another. Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits. Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men. If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men. Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good." 

...But, I am to rely upon the SAVIOUR most of all!

     So, as the good Lord reminds me, faithfully, of what the Bible has to say to me, I seek to employ His wisdom.  It is so easy for me to do contrariwise; for, I have been contrary to the Bible.  Shameful, but yet my Lord is faithful to redirect my thoughts, feelings, and actions.

     Through these current experiences in my/our life, I am learning to seek Christ more.  I am learning to communicate with Him better; and, more frequently.  I am learning to lean upon His words more.  I am learning more humility.  I am learning more grace.  I am learning more hospitality.  I am learning more meekness.  I am learning more mercy.  I am learning more of my Heavenly Father.  I am learning more charity.  I am learning more zeal.  I am learning of Christ.

     Oh, difficult it may be, but my Saviour walks with me, and talks with me, as I go down this narrow way.  "He speaks to me of His mighty love, and He helps me bear my load.  He comforts me, with thoughts of Home; and says we don't have much farther to go."

     I find this time as another time of growing pains.  To experience these troubles and trials are nothing more than a time of refinement, and I desire to go through the process gracefully, meekly, peacefully, and joyfully.  In order to truly, regularly, do so, I had to let go of the bitterness starting to root within me; and, ever so faithfully, God weeded it out of my heart.  Now, when the pain strikes at me, I must remember to speak to Jesus of these things, (and, when I speak to my brethren in Christ, to do so with the right attitude), and also remember His words, His actions, His desires...To see me through the roughness.