Friday, February 1, 2013

My First Love

     I remember the first time I realized that I was a lost cause without him.  He had been pursuing me for a while; not pushy, but not slack, either.  He insisted in talking to me, letting me know how good it would be for me to belong to him...
     At first, I did not "get it."  I did not see how my life would be any better with him in my life.  I mean, I was doing "O.K."  Or, so I thought.
     Then, I was watching some videos at home.  However it happened, they caused me to remember his words to me.  I became very saddened in my heart.  I tried to ignore what had been said to me by him, but as I continued watching these movies, well, I could not get him out of my mind.
     I started realizing how great he was.  I started realizing that he had been speaking to my heart.  I realized that my life would indeed be miserable without him in it!  I did not want to wait until the next day; I decided that I would go to him that very night and talk to him.
     I went to my parents, to tell them.  My dad was elated, and said he would talk with him with me; but, he wanted me to do my own talking, as well.  I was scared, because I had pretty much ignored him this whole time, and now I was coming to him...
     My dad did not give any impression that he would ignore me.  On the contrary, he seemed quite certain that he would listen to me.  Nevertheless, I went to him with great trepidation.
     I do not remember all that I said to him.  I do remember confessing that I had greatly offended him.  I asked him to forgive me for my offenses against him.  I realized that he had gone to great lengths to be in my life, with me constantly shunning him.  He had done no wrong to me.  I had been extremely rude, to put it lightly.
     Part of being reconciled to him was accepting the gift he had been trying to give me.  I had not even desired it before this night.  I treated his efforts to give me this valuable gift with indifference.  Now, I wanted it.  I wanted him.
     There was no way to be reconciled without receiving this gift.  It not only symbolized my pardon, but indeed was my pardon.  Without this gift, he would not, could not, forgive me.  I realized there was no other way he could forgive me otherwise.  His integrity would not allow another way.
     I did not understand everything at the time.  As the years have progressed, I have learned more about my treasure he gave me.  However, that night I believed that if I took him at his word, all would be well.
     So, I took him at his word.  No more would I wait:  I readily asked and received his gift!  Such a cleansing wash came over my very soul.  I cannot explain the burden that was lifted, knowing that the one who had pursued me tirelessly--the one whom I greatly offended--had forgiven me, and allowed me to be a part of his life!
     Prior to coming to him, I knew that once our relationship was established, I could not continue living on my own terms.  I realized that life would be about him.  I would now be having to talk to him about how I should live my life, since it would greatly affect him.  This relationship was not a "fly-by-night" romance, but rather a lifelong covenant.  Rather than risk being separated from him, be tortured endlessly apart from him, endure his disappoint forever, I was willing to yield my life to his desires.
     I cannot express the peace that overcame me, after coming to him.  My dad was so happy...cryingly happy.  He was relieved that I had come to my senses!  I was so excited at this wonderful news, that I immediately wanted to call people to tell them.  My dad let me call one person, as the evening was getting late.  He had me wait until I saw folks to tell them myself.
     Well, it did not end there.  Not everyone was thrilled for my new life.  There were many who were upset with me.  They did not like how someone else was telling me how to live.  They did not like that, because of him, I wanted to do things differently than I used to do.  It made them angry, uncomfortable.  They would tease me, so that I would ignore his wishes and follow their wishes.
     Unfortunately, I caved to peer pressure.  I also would make decisions without consulting him.  To my detriment, it caused a rift in our communication.  I became so miserable!  So, off I would go to talk to him once again.  Once again, he was willing to forgive me; chiefly, because I owned the gift that represented the covenant he made with me.
     I have to admit, not once did he forsake me.  He never has abused me.  He never has been unfaithful.  Quite the contrary!  I am the one that has, many times, been unfaithful to him.  That fact is to my shame and his hurt.
     However, I have never known such a love as this one.  Endlessly he forgives, and each time he reminds me he loves me.  He has never enabled my bad behaviour.  He is not like many I know:  who may enable, or ignore, my sinful ways.  He is quick to show me how I am erring, and do what it takes to set me aright.  I do not begrudge him for it, but rather am humbled that such a one would love someone like me.
     Things have gotten better in this relationship.  I am striving to do better to listen to him, to talk with him, and do what he says is best.  I do not want another person trying to come in and ruin what we have, by encouraging me contrary to him.  I know that they cannot change his mind; he is pretty "stubborn" that way...I do not see it as stubborn, though.  I see him as being solid as a rock!
     So, though it has not been "easy" (he has some pretty "old-fashioned" ways) because of the naysayers, scoffers, etc...It has SO been WORTH it!  My life is always the better, and our relationship constantly sweet.  I trust what he has to say to me.  He only cares for my good.
     We have been in our covenant now for quite some time; nearly nineteen years.  Though I have much to regret, it is not due to being in this relationship with him.  On the contrary, it is due to my bad behaviour towards him, after all he has done for me.  It has cost me much, because as everyone knows, bad behaviour affects more than one person.  Nevertheless, he has been good to bring beauty from ashes.  He is, and I know always will be, so good to me!


"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." (John 3:16 KJV)

"But God, who is rich in mercy, for his great love wherewith he loved us, Even when we were dead in sins, hath quickened us together with Christ, (by grace ye are saved ;) And hath raised us up together , and made us sit together in heavenly places in Christ Jesus: That in the ages to come he might shew the exceeding riches of his grace in his kindness toward us through Christ Jesus. For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast ." (Ephesians 2:4-9 KJV)

"Now our Lord Jesus Christ himself, and God, even our Father, which hath loved us, and hath given us everlasting consolation and good hope through grace, Comfort your hearts, and stablish you in every good word and work." (2 Thessalonians 2:16, 17 KJV)

"Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins...We love him, because he first loved us." (I John 4:10, 19 KJV)

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"Let your speech be alway with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man." Colossians 4:6

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