I feel like I am a shame in society at times. I feel as though I am a shame to my family and friends at times...Because I am childless.
My husband and I have been married for a little over seven years. We have never gotten pregnant, and I have always had health issues in this area. For a long time I wondered what was my problem, spiritually, to cause me to be unable to have children. I would be envious of those who so easily had children, or those who had children and were unthankful for them. I especially was hurt by women who would have abortions.
I came to realize that God knows what He is doing in my life. Sure, I still ache from time to time, especially when I dream of being pregnant or having my first child. I will wake up still remembering what it felt like: the anticipation, the joy, the excitement, the overwhelming sense that I am now responsible for the upbringing of this dear soul. I woke up with empty arms.
Dear and I have not ruled out the possibility of adoption. Of course, we have heard the statements, "Well, you might get pregnant after adoption. That happens, you know." I know folks mean well. I don't care anymore if I become pregnant during an adoption process Dear and I may go through in the future. I do ask God for children, though, however it happens.
I get to shower love on the children in my local church. I don't get to do it often with my two nephews. So, I have adopted many children whose parents and selves have allowed me the opportunity to give love, when I don't have children at home with whom to share. Maybe one day.
One of the blessings of still being without children is the strength of our marriage. When we were married, I was still rebelling against God as a backslidden Christian, and my husband wasn't saved. It wasn't until a year and a half later that both of those situations changed. I changed, and my husband was born again. Then we started learning a lot that we never knew.
Here we are now, seven years into our marriage and better than we were than when we started. I can honestly say that I feel more confident in having children in our lives now than then. We are no where near perfect, but we trust the Lord and His Word to see us properly train and love any soul that may come into our lives.
Those who have children truly are blessed, and I think especially for the women. We were created to bear them and nurture them. When that doesn't happen (like myself) for various reasons, it does create issues. Yet I am learning to use that nurturing love in ministering where and how the Lord desires. It doesn't replace the desire, but it does help. :)
**I am sharing a video by Ray Comfort that Dear and I watched last night, thanks to A Wise Woman sharing it on her site. I am now sharing it with you, because I believe every person ought to see it. I do caution that not all of this video is suitable for young audiences: parents, use your discretion.
2It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows: for so he giveth his beloved sleep.
3Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.
4As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth.
5Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.