As is customary, I have been away for a while. Partially, I so intended; partially, I did not. Having been consumed with thoughts, I just needed some time away. That also included sparse conversations with loved ones.
Now that I believe I am at a place wherein I may, once again, enjoy freedom of expression, I thus seek to pull out the computer and commence writing. I have missed it, but needed the reprieve. Thank you, friends, for your kind patience. :-)
So, what all has been happening in my life these days? Well, life. :-) That seems to be the usual affair in my household.
The part of our lives that has radically changed, is the fact that a little person is now growing inside of me, thanks to the Lord! I have had many days, where the couch is my friend. I never realized how exhausting being a mother could be.
We have also had to rewire our eating habits, ahem, thanks to me (and baby). I have not suffered with morning sickness, but I have been experiencing food aversions. I also have found I need to eat more frequently.
Being in a completely new area, and still experiencing adjustments (learning the area; trying to make friends; etc.), has made this motherhood experience quite the overwhelming one for me. I am thankful, in awe, and overwhelmingly humbled that God answered our prayers. Yet, to say I am out of my "comfort zone," would be an apt description.
One reason, I do believe, is so that I will find my comfort completely in Christ. He has been, and forever will be, the one constant source of reliability in my life. No matter who, what, when, where, and why, I have never had a reason not to trust Him. He may not give me all the answers, or clue me in on what is ahead, but He has never done me wrong.
So, I seek, daily, to keep my thoughts on Jesus Christ. He it is that will lead me. He it is, who will take care of me and this wee one. He it is, who will keep Dear sane, during this change in our lives. ;-)
In other news, a dear, dear friend, (who is also an "adopted" grandma), surprised us with a visit last week! She, and one of her sons, are on an extended road trip. They are visiting loved ones, and included us along the way! I got to have her for an entire day! To say that she was a breath of fresh air, would be an understatement.
It was quite comforting, having her with me for the day. I had last seen her, when she had made the trip from the Midwest to the Pacific Northwest, when Dear and I lived out there, six years ago. I was not sure I would get to see her again, as she was in her mid-eighties, then. Yet, the Lord sure surprised me, last week!
I was so grateful to get to tell her, in person, the news of our child. Oh, to see the joy on her face! In the evening, before we parted ways, she made sure to give me sound advice regarding motherhood. She wanted to encourage me, and strengthen me for the journey ahead. Oh, even now, I get choked up thinking about it. It was so hard saying "goodbye." I do hope to visit her next year--all three of us. :-)
I was particularly moved by the Lord sending her my way, when He did. I was, and had been, going through some difficult times, when I received the call that she was on her way. Oh, what a comfort! It was completely unexpected! He knew I needed her hands-on love. :-)
He is amazing that way. I am constantly undone by His tenderness. Yes, He is unwavering in His word. Yes, He is just. Yes, He chastens (when I am in error). Yet, contrary to my life experiences with people, He does it all out of love. Completely.
He knows my history. He knows what "gets to me." His tenderness always does. I often feel like that little child, whom He drew upon His lap, as He taught the group of how one may enter His kingdom. Never do I feel worthy--that is the truth. Yet, I cannot help but notice His tender love in my life. It is a constant.
He is the father, for whom I have yearned for years. The man in whose eyes I am beloved, arms in which I am safe...are His. The fact that now, now, He is giving me a glimpse of what it is like to be a parent, and express that kind of love, is unimaginable! Even now, it is hard to write through the tears.
How can I express the gratitude of this gift? How is it, that He has seen fit to open my barren womb? I cannot comprehend that He would allow me this honour. Oh, how I pray I do Him well!