Just as in my natural, carnal life, I see distinctions in my Christian life. Lately, I have been trying to figure out what this newest phase of my life is. After all, I am in a new area, and pretty much starting over. There have been many changes in our lives, the past year or so.
It is taking a bit of an adjustment for me. For many years, I knew exactly who I was, and what was expected of me. I knew what roles I filled. I knew my surroundings, the people, our goals, and more. Now, it seems like our slate has been wiped clean, and God says: "Start over."
Yet, we are taking a bit of wisdom into this next round, that we did not have, years ago. I am so grateful, too! What a shame, if we were complete buffoons!
I know that these are just "growing pains." I have not always responded well to them, but, I am seeking to do better. I do not want to fight against the Lord's will for my life.
For a while, I have been wondering what my specific ministry out here, was. For many years, I knew my ministry, and loved every minute of it. My church family was my ministry, (after Dear). I poured myself into trying to bless those I loved so dear. I was blessed to have been an adopted auntie to many of the children there; or, an adopted older sister. Some even adopted me as a second mommy. :)
When the Lord decided to change the direction of our life, that meant moving. That also meant that I no longer was able to minister to my church family, as I once had. There were parts of it that were devastating to me, yet, always a time of learning and growth.
So, as I sit and wonder, many days, how best to minister in our new area, I am many times stumped. As I said in a previous post, God has shown me ways in which to bless; though, I do realize that these are different people, with some different needs/wants. I know I am not going to be functioning in the exact same way as I did, previously.
Lately, I believe that God has been showing me what may be the focus of my attention. I was dumbfounded, and still am, at this "revelation." No, He did not audibly speak to me, divining some spiritually provocative calling. Yet, it is a calling of utmost importance:
To both the shock and awe of Dear and myself, we are parents! We found out the news, about a month ago. To say we are flabbergasted, is an understatement.
Years ago, I shared with you my feelings on being infertile. Yet, I sit here, today, carrying a child in that "Empty Womb!" Over a decade of prayers and tears, and we are stunned!
We are stunned, because for years, we were accustomed to not being with child. Ever. Not once. Now, in our new home, for whatever the reason, God has opened my womb. How can I adequately convey my thoughts and emotions to that gift?
Every day, moment by moment, I am praying to Him. I am no better than another, who has suffered through infertility. I know it is not based on merits. No one is worthy--I get that fact. Yet, to say I am humbled, is another understatement.
What a task before us! The absolutely only way we will do well with this child, is by Jesus leading us all the way. Oh, what an honour! I cannot fathom that He saw us worthy!
I do not know what lies ahead for us. I pray that the child and I safely journey through this pregnancy, and ensuing delivery. Even more, I pray that Dear and I bring up this child to know, love, and cherish our most amazing Lord Jesus Christ.
So, I do ask for your prayers.