I was adopted, when I was twelve years old.
I was reborn, into a different family.
...My Father's daughter...
Oh, the thoughts stirring inside my mind, at that statement. How marvelous, how wonderful, is the thought! Yet, oh, how weighty!
To even fathom the possibility, that the Creator who was the recipient of my rebellion, would choose to make a way to repair the brokenness between us. To muse upon the fact, that He sent His perfect, awesome Son, to suffer punishment, for me, so that I could be spared...So I could be adopted into His kingdom...So I could be a child of the LIVING GOD...So I could have a right relationship with Him...So I could be everlastingly clean from my sins...
Even now, just typing out these thoughts, creates a knot in my throat. To sit and muse upon just some of the blessings of this adoption, is more than my mind can comprehend! Amazing grace, indeed!
I cannot recall much, prior to being born again. I have memories, but, it is as though they are in a fog. Some of the reason, I am sure, is due to some of the traumas of that time, and the fact of my age at the time; but, nevertheless, there is a marked difference between the time before my salvation, as well as after it. There was light within me, whereas before, there was not.
I remember well, that night. I may not remember specifics, but this one thing I know. My life was forever changed! I knew my life was set on a different path...a special path...I just did not know how it would be.
I had certain ideas, implanted by the preaching and teaching of my church, at that time. I also had thoughts, due to others' teachings to me. Thank GOD, though, that He has been faithful to work on removing the heresies taught to me, that were in my mind! I thank Him, too, that He reached me, while my mind was still ripe for the picking.
I cannot speak for you, but, for me. For me, I remember not ever wanting to commit another sin! I never wanted to do that which made Christ suffer. I never wanted to do that which had so angered my God.
I wanted to be clean. I did not want to dirty up the new life given unto me. I wanted to walk in holiness.
I knew that my life, was not truly mine: it belonged to God now. I had been bought with a price. That price: HIS SON.
Oh, yet how soon I learned, that though my heart was willing, my flesh was not! I did not understand the conflict. I did not get a grasp on the war within me, until many years later. If there had been lessons on it, I do not recall them.
Because of that war, and my immaturity, many times I yielded to temptation. Oh, how grieved I was, too! Yielding to temptation was not how I wanted to treat God!
Yet, fail Him, I did. Satan used those failures, to foster a sense of despair and defeat within me. Too many times to count, I figured I would just stay down, since I had already "messed up." Yet, time and again, God saw to it, to pick me back up.
God knew my immaturity. He knew my background. He knew me. He was not willing for me to be wallowing in defeat.
God was always there for me. He may have let me learn things; but, He never forsook me. He always had His grip on me.
Of course, the devil was not, and still is not, content in my relationship with God. The Bible is truer than anything I know:
"Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:"
1 Peter 5:8
So, ever since the night I came to Jesus to save me, I have been on Satan's radar.
I might have been on Satan's radar, but I was in my Father's hand:
"And I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand."
Satan has wanted, more than anything, to keep me from my Lord. He has wanted to make me useless, for the cause of my God. He wants me diverted and/or immobilized.
There was a time in my life, where that very thing happened. Oh, there have been hiccups, here and there. Yet, God did not give up on me!
Many had, or have, given up on me. Then, there were Satanic lies being shot out at me, trying to get me to believe that God would give up on me. Oh, the angst!
But God is faithful to finish what He started with me!