Unworthy

     Oh, how I long to just talk face-to-face with my Lord.  I do not desire to leave those I love behind any time soon, but I feel that if I could be with Jesus, it would be all better.  I would not have these pains from trials and tribulations anymore; I could just rest in His arms.  I wish for that now, as I struggle inwardly, yet again.
     I do not understand.  I feel so completely incompetent for the Lord God--I fail miserably so often, when it comes to loving Him the way I should.  I fear that maybe some times I go through the motions day-by-day, instead of reverently loving Him daily:  thankful for the opportunity.  However, some days my heart aches, for I know I am not loving God as I should.  How horrible am I?
     How is God's long-suffering love possible?  I know He knows me, yet I have never seen Him face-to-face.  He knows me so intimately well, and that I right well know.  I cannot explain it. I just know He knows me, is putting up with me, and loving me all the same. WHY? I do not deserve Him.  How can I ever love Him enough?
     My heart is incapable of the love God is due from me.  Too many times in my life have I suffered the agony of not serving Him; not living for Him, though He saved my soul.  He DIED for me, ROSE for me, makes INTERCESSION for me--yet, I am incapable of loving Him enough, or adequately.  Oh, how I wish I could--my heart's only true desire!
     People do not know what love they miss out on when they do not get saved.  How can I explain this love God has for them?  Will my family ever know His gracious love, before it is too late?  I do not want to leave here, 'til they do.  It is the most blessed gift:  to want to love Him, serve Him, please Him, know Him--that I could ever have.  He is always there, and always will be.  No one can take that from me.