So, I catch myself doing the very things that my spirit does not want to do. In other words, living carnally. Have you ever noticed that when you live in the flesh, your spirit feels dirty inside of you? Especially when you sincerely do not want to do that sin anymore, yet you catch yourself doing it. Well, that is something I have been dealing with lately.
I know I have not been relying on the Lord for strength. I have been feeding the lusts of the flesh, and I know that it is wrong. I HATE it! Yet, my flesh loves it. I do take comfort knowing that I am not the only one who endures these hardships. However, I am still disappointed in knowing that I have disappointed my Saviour, again. I know, I know. This is MY fault, not God's fault. I do not blame Him one iota: I blame myself. I think He lets me continue down this path, just to see how desperately I need Him; and, I thank Him that He cares enough for me to let me see myself as I am without Him.
I thank Him that I do have Him, but I do not like being a rebel. I want to be obedient unto Him. Yet, there is no good thing in me, that is, in my flesh. Thank the Lord that He is good, and He is in me. Then I can glory in Him for His goodness that comes out of me! I pray that I will do better with my days that the Lord Jesus gives to me. I want to bring Him honor, for He saved my soul! I want to make Him happy, for He makes me happy every day! I want close fellowship with Him; to be friends one with another. But, in order to do be His friend, I have to remember the very memory verse I taught to the children in my Sunday School class: "Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you."--John 15:14. Man, do I need some shaping up to do!