Struggling, yet again. It seems that every time I pray to be closer to the Lord, an internal struggle takes place. Will I ever learn? My dad always told me to be careful how I prayed...
I want to be the kind of Christian I am supposed to be. I sometimes think that I should "Voila!"--be right where I need to be. Yet, it just does not happen that way. I know that growth takes time, but I have a tendency towards impatience. Then, when I pray for growth, man do the struggles come!
However, the struggling does cause me to be in prayer more, and want to be nearer to God. Being nearer to Him is the safest place for me--but my flesh is saying: "NO WAY." OH! I hate that battle!!
I do thank the Lord God for His grace and tender mercies toward me; for, that is the ONLY way I am making it through this time. For so long, I have trusted my feelings to be my guide. Yet, my feelings are so deceptive, and can be played like the strings to an harp. Satan knows this fact about me. The world knows it. I know it. God knows it. For that very reason, He allows me to be pulled in this area of my life, that I may be drawn closer to His Word and trusting in It alone. The Bible never changes, and can never be pulled here and there, like my feelings can.
As much as I realize all these things, it still is difficult to endure. But, the Lord is good to me. I can go to Him in prayer. His Son, Jesus Christ, is waiting patiently for me to talk with Him about my troubles; so that He can help me. What a loving God have I! What mercy! What loving kindnesses are bestowed upon me! My heart weeps, realizing and knowing all the while that I am not alone in my struggles...that I have a Saviour just a call away, to help in my time of need. I am so unworthy for such amazing love.